Response to "Leaving Fairyland" by Nicole Acree

I liked that your story had a very clear and discernible point.  It's lamenting the loss of a childhood friend how ultimately people grow apart and can become very different.  There's also some very honest self-analysis that I think really work and shows a lot of self-insight and growth.  The story is obviously a memoir that covers the entirety of your relationship with Ivy and a lot of your relationship with your first boyfriend in college. 

I liked the fairytale elements that you used throughout the story.  I think it definitely made it your own and it was interesting to see you continue to tie it in as you get older.  I also think we all have that feeling of nostalgia for when we think about the people we grew up with and are sad when we think about the way our relationships have changed.  Personally I can relate a lot to this as can almost everyone I’m sure.  Your relationship with Ivy is also interesting because you guys have such an animosity between you and I think that’s a rare way for things to turn out.  The descriptions of playing in the woods were nicely done and made me think a lot about playing with my friends when we were little.

As far as criticisms I’m not sure if this should be longer or shorter but I think it needs to be one of the two.  You cover a lot of time in your life very quickly and I think some parts either need to be expanded or you need to cut it shorter somewhere.  I think it would probably be better if it was longer because all of the stuff about Ivy and your ex-boyfriend is honestly shocking.  Maybe include some more information about the way your parents and you dealt with all this and how the relationships between your mothers turned out.  Also I was curious about what happened with your second boyfriend.  Personally, it’s also super sad and I guess was hoping for something good to happen at the end but I guess that isn’t necessarily part of nonfiction.   

All in all your story is very affecting and done very well.   

Response to "Moving Forward" by Megan Matthews

I really enjoyed your story.  The main point seems to be that no matter who a person seems to be they will always be missed by their family members.  I would also say that the memoir serves to examine the multiple sides of a family member and the different perspectives that there are. 

Part of what I most liked about your story was how big your family seemed.  I come from a small family so having a window into a different type was pretty interesting for me.  I loved the beginning when you were describing the room with your grandfather and all of your relatives around him.  I thought the personal stories about all of them were very interesting and made your family seem very authentic.  I also thought the progression of your grandfather moving from being immobile to mobile to immobile was interesting because it showed a change within him.  I thought the multiple perspectives you used to frame him were also very good because it made him multidimensional: he was mean to his wife, but nice to you, and even meaner when he was a younger man. 

I don’t have too much in the way of criticism other than maybe include more stuff about your other family members and the dynamic between them and your grandfather.  All of that was really interesting in the beginning of your story and I think those people should be incorporated more throughout.  I think maybe showing how something like Christmas turned out, especially once it became clear that he was in poor health would do it.  Overall you did a really good job and made an often written about subject your own.  Again I really enjoyed it.      

Response to "Shark Bait" by Rachel George

The point of this essay was to highlight misconceptions about sharks but the point/revelation at the end could be applied to a lot of things.  Also sharks are awesome.  And that comes across in a lot of the descriptions of them so I think another theme of this story is nature and how beautiful it can be.  A minor point is also that anytime we enter the "wild" we are guests and have to understand that their can be real consequences.

There were a lot of things about your essay that I really enjoyed.  The first was how interesting all the parts were once you started diving with the sharks.  The descriptions were so real and detailed that it made it seem very authentic as well as exciting.  I liked when you described the reef sharks as "grey wedding gowns" and "silver silk".  I also thought the parts where you described flipping the nurse sharks lent a lot of authenticity to your story because it's something I don't think most people would know (including me) or have tried.  I thought tying Jaws into the story was good and served as a good segway into your conclusion/main point.

I did feel like the Jaws introduction was a little bit cliche and I was definitely more interested in the stories about you swimming with sharks.  There were also a few parts that confused me a little bit and took a little reading for me to get my bearings.  In the paragraph that starts with "These Villains..." I'm unsure if you're describing the sharks or the people who make the shows and movies about them.  Also when you transition into talking about the first dive I didn't immediately realize that you weren't watching something on Shark Week.  I felt like the shark suit itself could use a little more description: like what actually looked like Igor, all I could think of was his hump switching sides. 

I really enjoyed your essay though, it was really well done and very captivating.  Also Young Frankenstein is awesome. 

Response to "That Rung" by Dana Bisset

The point of this essay was to examine the way that people change and how that can make a person look at themself.  The author seems torn between a nostalgic fondness for her roommate and the allure of the real world.  There is also a lot of criticism/commentary about the way women and specifically sorority girls act. 

I liked that your essay was so personal.  It's obvious that you feel strongly for your roommate and I think that is something everyone can empathize with.  I also liked the idea of a changing friendship because everyone loses friends and being stuck with someone you dislike is part of college for a lot of people which makes it believable for me.  I also liked when you explored a significant other who has changed another person in a way that is visible from an outside perspective.  There were some really funny parts of your essay too, I especially liked when you talked about your roommate's boyfriend saying hello to people and telling someone else how much he disliked them.  I also thought it really conveyed the severity of your roommate and her boyfriend's fights when you likend them to boxing matches. 

My major criticism of your essay would be the tone of it.  For most of the essay it feels like you're shouting and there are some places where it just feels like you're ranting.  It all kinda combines to make your essay seem very condescending and while I'm not agreeing or disagreeing with you, I feel like the tone of your essay sort of defeats your purpose because it's written in a way that makes you appear as judgmental and as any sorority girl.  I also felt like your title didn't really have that much to do with anything beyond your introduction and maybe when you worked in your genes at the end.  I think maybe if you would make your essay less angry and more a sad story of watching a friend's life gone wrong it would be a lot more powerful and connectable.  Maybe you could work in some more information about your fiance and things that he does that are kind to serve as a foil for your roommate's boyfriend. 

You did a great job!

"Son of Mr. Green Jeans" Response

This piece is about misconceptions and fatherhood.  I think?  What I seem to be getting out of it is that there is a lot of misinformation and misconceptions about a lot of things.  Fatherhood being one of them.  Like when in the beginning the critic suggests to Tim Allen that a father is useless once a baby is started.  Then it goes on to talk about Carp and how male Carp will save their babies by hiding them in their mouths.  There are several other examples of misinformation and rumors that turn out to be false in the story. 

I am extremely intrigued by the style of this story.  Once you start reading and realize that each section connects to the next (usually?) it becomes pretty interesting.  There is also some humor sprinkled in.  Like the part about Toilets.  The level of personalness is also appealing.  In short order we quickly learn about the author's father and grandfather and how they were crappy dads.  There's also some information about drug use that makes the author seem like he could be similar to his father and grandfather which makes it believable that'd he'd be hesitant to have children. 

There really aren't too many characters in this story mainly the author and his father and grandfather.  His grandfather is characterized as a jerk and a lot of sympathy is built for his father (who also isn't a good father).  My major issue with the story is that I don't and haven't watched most of the shows discussed so I have trouble keeping the different actors straight.  There isn't too much dialogue which is jarring but not a bad thing.  I think the story reads well and is pretty interesting just a little hard to follow.  The conflict is a little bit dry but at least there is some suspense: like when he says he had a vasectomy.  It did seem a little predictable to me too.  I more or less figured out that he was going to have children as soon as he talked about his wife wanting them.  Overall I liked it, but I didn't love it. 

CNF #2

Growing up was a little different for me.  I'm the youngest of three and my brother and sister are quite a bit older than I am.  There was a lot of tension in our house as my sister got older.  She fought with my parents and my brother nightly about things that I was too young to remember or understand.  One vivid memory I have is one afternoon after school.  I'm pretty sure my brother was in 8th grade which would put my sister somewhere near 11th or 12th.  I was in 3rd  or 4th and I have no idea what their argument was about but I do remember that my sister was holding a knife and I was hiding in the space between our couch and the bookshelf built into the wall where an encyclopedia set sat watching us.  I also remember being vocal in my encouragement of my sister.

My sister however to this day either doesn't remember or won't admit it ever happened.  My brother remembers it similarly to the way I do except he doesn't seem to remember my 9 year old encouragement. 

I think the difference in our memories show how we all remember that time in our lives.  My sister wishes she didn't have to; she's a lawyer now and is far away from the days of screaming at least as far as he is concerned.  He never fought with my parents or got caught sneaking out.  His grades were near perfect and he got a better scholarship than anyone in my family.  And what I remember is a brother and sister who never got along.  I remember a sister who was always screaming and a brother that would cheat at board games because he knew I was too young to catch him. 

The Midwest CNF #1

Missouri is one of those places that everyone has heard of but can't quite find on a map.  If you're from the South it's in the North.  If you're the from North it's in the South.  However, it's neither, take it from someone who has lived there.  Missouri is in the Midwest and couldn't be better for it.  In my hometown of Columbia we had rednecks and hipsters, Eastern European immigrants, African Americans, Mexican immigrants, rich people, students, and everything in between.  It was a place that taught tolerance by necessity.  Moving here to the South has taught me quite a bit about the place a person comes from and how it affects who you are. 

Missouri was admitted to the Union as a slave state with the Missouri compromise in 1821.  Maine was also admitted but as a free state.  Everywhere North of Missouri's southern border was then to be admitted as a free state.  In the Civil war Missouri was entirely aligned with neither the Union or Confederacy and had factions of both within its borders.  Notably the mascot of the University of Missouri comes from a group of soldiers who protected the city of Columbia from Confederate guerillas.  I think this best emphasizes the midwestern tradition of being in the middle.  Missouri has taken the best of both worlds and adapted them become part of a region all its own. 

It was always strange being at home and having my friend Dena from Rhode Island come visit because she'd tell me how "Southern" I sounded.  I don't think I sound Southern and after living in Alabama I don't think anyone here would say that I do either.  In fact a lot of people would probably venture that I sound like a "Yankee."  I rarely use "Y'all" and I don't know anyone at home that is able to use it without sounding like they're trying just a little bit too hard.  But I also don't like being here and being told that I'm a Northener.  I think what most is a little recognition for the place that I call home.  I'm not a Northener or a Southerner.  I'm a Midwestener and damn proud of it.  It may be a place seldom traveled by people from around our Country but was a great place to grow up and I most certainly wouldn't be the person I am today without it.