This story is about a young shoe store worker who desperately would like to meet a girl he has seen around the mall he works in. The conflict is how to get her to notice him as something other than a shoe store worker. By the end of the story the character seems to have gained some measure of confidence but honestly I'm not sure the change is as important to the story as it is in others.
All the characterization is very strong. Darren is a good depiction of a friend that is somewhat superficial. Crazy Carl is a good pothead manager shithead. And Allen is a very good depiction of a semi-self-concious teenager who has a crush on a pretty girl. I also liked that he had seen and noticed this girl somewhere but pretended as if he had not when he met her. It seemed like a pretty realisitic way to set up the story. You also had a really healthy dose of humor that was pretty poignant. The setting is also very believable and I really felt like I was in a mall Journey's. I was also satisfied by the end of the story and I thought you picked a good spot to end it.
As far as criticisms go I don't have all that much. There are a few places where you include words in descriptions that aren't necessarily required such as "makes me feel like kind of a creep" I think you could change that to "makes me feel like a creep." The name Crazy Carl also makes me think of Billy Madison, that was Billy's nickname for one of the characters in that movie. And the game they play in the store seems like the part of Super Troopers where they have a competition to see who can say "Meow" the most when they pull someone over.
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