Response to "Two Quarters" by Morgan Eidson

I thought a lot of this story was really interesting and I liked that you made an everyday occurrence like getting accepted into college and made an interesting story about it.  It's also interesting because you connected two worlds: that of people who have to steal for money, and people that go to college.  I think this makes the story extremely accessible to a wide range of readers.  The conflict seems to have two parts which also helps to make the story more intriguing.  Part one is whether or not the character should go which is a conflict that was internal for the main character.  Part two would be how and when to tell Izaak.  It seems that the character changes in a way that will ultimately lead him to lead a better life.  I think Morgan is trying to show us the conflict that everyone feels between self-preservation and what we owe to the people around us. 

I thought that a lot of your descriptions were very good.  I especially like whiskey colored eyes.  As I said above the conflict very real to me and I thought the perspective was done very nicely.  Having the story set in the first person really adds to the struggles going on within Ryan.  I also thought Izaak was characterized well for the most part.  The German sprinkled in with his English seemed authentic.  The story also moves along at a good pace.  The dialogue was also interesting and never felt unrealistic.

I did think there were a few times when you seemed to "overwrite" in your descriptions and images.  One example would be describing cigarrette smoke as "sweet poison" another might be when you describe Cheyenne's hair as strands of ink because that makes it sound greasy and clumped together.   I also felt like the two quarters thing was sort of trivial and wasn't that important to the story itself.  I was also a little confused about the gender of the main character up until Cheyenne is introduced.  And the setting of the story is sort of hard to pick out.  After reading it I would guess somewhere like Atlanta but I think it should be more apparent if you're going to use a specific university.  Ryan and Izaak's connection also seemed a little unbelievable to me.  I don't think there are many orphans walking down the street on the verge of starvation and even if there were it's not like a German immigrant could just grab them off the street and keep them. 

Overall though I really enjoyed your story and I thought the premise and conflict were both very strong.